


Notice, Please.

by HopePotter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Maybe - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Michelle Jones - Freeform, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 10:54:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17559020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopePotter/pseuds/HopePotter
Summary: Peter Parker is depressed. Just a day in his life. Warnings in the notes section. I can't summarize to save my life, can you tell?Basically, me talking about my horrible grade 9 experience and projecting my situation and feelings onto Peter again.What a surprise, really. Well I'm sleep deprived, should be studying for exams but I wanted to give you guys something since I haven't updated my other fics. It's currently 11:30 where I live, so go to bed, and dont read this trash.Or do. Whatever helps you sleep at night. *finger guns*





	Notice, Please.

**Author's Note:**

> Tw for self-harm and suicidal thought mentions. Stay safe, love you guys and I'm too tired to write anything else. Dont follow my footsteps, I'm not a good role model. Welp.
> 
> ~Hope ♥

Peter sighed.

Why? He was supposed to be better. It hurts. He was happier the past couple of days, but now he knows what _episodes_ mean. Ugh.

Aunt May shouldn't have to _deal_ with this, he thought bitterly.

She barely knew much about how he felt. And she knew _a lot_ . She kept telling him to get down from his room, but he was too tired. He _shouldn't_ be tired.

He shouldn't be a lot, but here he was anyway. An essay on The Great Gatsby due in less than a week and all his ideas weren't working.  

Well, he had to go to school.

Yea, keep up your charade Parker. You idiot.

Summatives, exams, it was too much. However, he wasn't crying. He wished he could but his brain wouldn't let him and he felt trapped, oh so trapped. It was nothing. Whatever, guess he was going to class then.

 

He didn't cry. He wanted to.

* * *

 

He cried. He didn't want to.

 

_Stupid. Stupid. Why was he crying? So much to do too much to do._

It hurt. He wanted to slash his arms till he was emotionless. Is this what being numb was like? It freaking sucked. God, please kill me.

He wanted to die. Why was he thinking about death in math class? Because you're a stupid idiot who can't do anything right.

 

Back to the topic at hand. He wanted to die. Right.

 

* * *

 

 

He didn't want to die. The thought screamed at him as the others yelled in the background, begging for attention. But what could he do? Parker was biased after all.

I just want it to be quiet. Quiet. Why _can’t_ it be quiet he mouthed as he stared in the mirror, flinching violently at the reflection. Maybe, if he didn't look, he could believe that he didn't hate himself. Ugly. Stupid. Idiot. _Why am I even_ alive he thought, laughing bitterly.

Why were you born?

Why can't you _die?_

Am I faking?

I wanna do it again.

But we're over 3 months clean.

Does it matter? If you relapse, you could keep going because being a day clean? Makes you feel less guilty when you do it again. Screw it.

But then he remembers May’s face. That disappointed and confused expression among her features. She didn't understand. Unfortunately, he wasn't a teacher. So he couldn't _explain._

It still hurt though. Knowing that the trust he had been building since his last mistake was broken. And now he had to start. Again.

What if he could just quit? If he quit, everyone would be used to it. No one would be shocked.

If he didn't? He'd have to keep on going. Keep trying. Keep fighting. Keep getting out of bed because he had to pretend. Pretend he was fine. Because Peter was a damn great actor, yet he never took drama. It might be talent? Nope. It was fear that gave him the adrenaline to keep going. Fear of making another stupid mistake.

He always joked about dying when others did. Because he was a jokester. He joked. Or did he? Maybe he screamed. Every laugh was another beg, every dropped smile was a futile attempt at help. Cant anybody notice?

 

He wanted them to notice. They didn't.

 

* * *

 

 

They noticed. He didn't want them to.

 

“Hello, Peter.”

His breath hitched. He froze. Turned his music up a little louder. Had to pretend. Why? Because she, his last year gym teacher was part of this mess. No, it wasn't her fault, she was just doing her job, but he still couldn't act the same around her anymore. She was the reason he had gone to the guidance counsellor in the middle of science. Pretended that he didn't know why he was leaving. Ah, he was good at pretending, wasn't he? Because of her and his stupidity once again, May knew. About the invisible cuts that littered his arms and thighs because they weren't ‘deep’ enough to scar, to show what he had been through.

Back to the matter at hand.

 

“Hello, Mrs Smith,”

 

“How are you?”

 

“I'm good.” _Stupid liar. Please notice. Dont._

 

That's it. All it took for his voice to shake, for his hands to sweat, his face to turn red. But he kept walking, on his way to art class, smiled, asked a girl about her piece, and sat down. They joked about dying once again and Peter joined, begging them, silently to notice.

 

But no one noticed, no one cared. Or, Peter was a damn great actor.

 

His hands shook harder.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed? I will try my best to get something up by the end of next week, good luck on exams if you have any, and comment something to feed my soul. Or dont. Again, whatever is good for you.
> 
> Sleep, drink water, take care!
> 
> ~Hope 💕☕


End file.
